What autism actually feels like (in bullet points!)

I can only speak for myself, semi-coherently.

People love to tweet about it, and I’ve even told fluffier stories about it. But what’s autism really like, moment-to-moment?

Well, here we go:

• Most things are too loud, too hot, or too rough. Except for a few inexplicable other things that don’t bother me enough. For example, I can’t start sipping a hot latte until about 20 minutes after I bought it. But I have have to be coerced to wear sunglasses when I need them, since I can barely see anything with them on.
• I hate surprises.
• My nerves are utterly electric, and you can startle me just by walking into a room. My partner used to gently scratch on the walls while coming upstairs from his basement office to our common area, because I would nearly jump out of my skin if I happened to be there when he appeared.
• I need a LOT of alone time and can usually entertain myself with the intricate fantasy world (and characters) in my own head.
• I need structure, so this combined with the alone time can make it incredibly difficult to make and maintain friendships. I absolutely treasure the folks who are patient with this and keep texting me anyway. (And in the back of my mind, I’m still eternally terrified that they’ll grow tired of me.)
• I’m not always good at regulating my face, body, and tone. I’ve heard ‘you look upset’ or ‘you look tense’ so many times that…