Transgender: a simple explanation.
Did you know that my hormone replacement medication directly affects my mind?
I’m not talking about how the physical effects might make me feel; I’m talking about a direct effect on my passive mood at any given time.
If you’re a guy who has struggled with low testosterone or a gal who has dealt with difficult menstrual cycles, among all sorts of other human endocrine experiences, you probably already know that hormonal shifts can feel awful! And, hopefully, if you’ve ever had a hormone-related problem, you know firsthand how much better it feels to have it properly diagnosed and treated.
For a trans person like me, the experience is very much the same.
Unfortunately, the normal estrogen and progesterone levels that my body can maintain on its own do not allow me to feel comfortable and normal like a typical woman would. Instead, such a hormone profile makes me feel severely depressed and sluggish — much like a man with low testosterone might feel. (And, yes, my female hormone levels as a teen and young adult were regularly checked by my gynecologist and found to be normal!)
I didn’t actually know this beforehand, but when I first started taking testosterone therapy for transition, I experienced the same incredible and permanent (well, 2 years of it sticking around, so far!) mood and well-being shift that a normal guy getting his low T treated does.
It absolutely blew my mind when a brain fog that I didn’t even know I was living with went away, my range of emotions became wider, and my general baseline went from negative and uncaring to pleasant and more open. I could go on about that (and definitely have), but suffice to say I am grateful for it every day, and my family and friends have pointed it out, too!
We don’t know exactly what causes this, but it is a common anecdote among trans people who take cross-sex hormones. One sex-typical balance of testosterone (or estrogen and progesterone) feels good (or just normal), while the other feels uneasy, gray, and just off.
People who don’t want to believe this or haven’t personally experienced it (or seen a loved one experience it) are probably not going to change their minds, but I write all this to say that I hope they can consider it.
My daily comfort and happiness depend on being able to access and take my hormone medication. When this access is threatened or turned into a political debate, I feel angry and even terrified, because I don’t want to go back to feeling as bad as I did before.
It’s not a perfect analogy, but think about being left-handed. When a little one first starts to write and ends up doing so with their left hand, we trust that this preference is what their mind and body needs, despite it being atypical. Even though we still don’t understand what exactly — genetically or neurologically or otherwise — makes some of us left-handed, we certainly don’t see it as something to be afraid of or a matter of debate, at least in this century!
I hope that someday, before fear and debate get the best of us, the personal lives and private medical needs of people like me are better understood. I’m just a regular American software engineer, and I want to continue enjoying a peaceful, productive, and happy life, just like you.
