There’s autistic masking, but then there’s the right to mask.
As autistic people, we are often encouraged to ‘unmask’ — e.g., to stop actively repressing our naturally different mannerisms, responses, and even emotional reflexes. This is largely a good thing!
But the world isn’t always kind. Oftentimes, masking is the right choice for likability, which can keep a job in place and food on the table. Other times, masking is the right choice for physical safety. More importantly, the choice is personal. If you love or respect an autistic person (hopefully both, if the former), it’s imperative that you understand this.
When I say I have the right to mask, I mean that I have the right to regulate or even suppress my immediate emotional reactions as I see fit and appropriate. This applies in particular to reactions driven by my autism, which may not fit a situation in the accepted way that I want (or may even need, for my own dignity by the definition established and owned by the non-autistic majority.)
I owe no one a dissection of my mind or how it works in the moment (not that this would be easy anyway, given our propensity for delayed emotional processing!), so long as I am trustworthy.
As friends and loved ones of autistic folks, we implore you to do just that: trust us. Resist emotional monitoring, take our distant eyes with a grain of salt, and give us the time we need to process in a world that didn’t teach it with our equipment in mind.
If you have not created (or contributed to) an unsafe environment to do so, we will speak up — and unmask — with classic autistic candor.
