Some things I love about Barbie
Spoilers, obviously.
If you haven’t seen Barbie, read no further.
But if you have, I guess I’ll just rattle off some things, because the sheer delight is still fresh in my mind.
(Full disclosure, I was on approximately 10 milligrams of rather nice chocolate while watching, but my critical acclaim has held strong ever since. Anyhow):
It’s childlike in the best way
You can tell something’s a little puerile with everyone’s manner of moving and speaking, but you can also tell that it’s insidiously, ingeniously intentional.
It’s as if an eight year-old imagined how the scenes of a Big Important Movie might be written, whether action-packed or tender, and it’s hard not to smile. When you throw in Will Ferrell, it kinda resurrects those Buddy the Elf vibes, which I am totally and unashamedly here for.
Alan could be anyone
Lots of people want to project some “I always knew I was different” identity or another onto this guy, and that’s great, but what I love is that Alan’s character really fucks with excessive scrutiny.
Gay? Sure, maybe. Transfeminine? I mean, go to town if you want, but if there exists an Alana, your intense need to clock her (everyone has it, deep down, because humans suck) in a hypothetical future arc would be foiled by the soft facial features. Transmasculine? Totally doable! With narrow hips to boot. Sorry, inquisitive eyes — I guess you can’t always tell. Socially awkward? Sure, if that works for you. Or maybe just introverted? Could be.
Heck, Alan also has a perfectly good chance of being a regular ol’, softspoken, neurotypical, cishet dude who simply sees through it all, and I love this for him and love him for it. Alan is the everyman (or the one we all claim we’d be in Barbie world, with his homeliness as our false humility), and Alan doesn’t play by the rules. You can neither virtue signal nor fuck with this delightful dingbat for long before your agenda falls apart, and it’s glorious.
…and Sasha’s dad is no one
Barbie threw me for a loop here, I’ll admit. When Sasha and Gloria were introduced, my immediate impression was something to the effect of, “Dad’s not in the picture, and it’s probably some sob story with Empowered Single Mom Bravery and stuff.”
Alas, no! Dad is perfectly in the picture. And he’s perfectly forgettable. That’s the beauty of it — Gloria doesn’t need the absence of a man (and some stupid backstory about that) to mold her character, either.
This guy finally, refreshingly, literally has no narrative importance to the women and girls around him. Take a moment to think about that.
It goes hard, but not too hard
Barbieland is silly. Kendom is silly. And neither respective caricature of femininity or masculinity takes itself seriously enough to butthurt any well-adjusted viewer. If you weren’t laughing with (or even occasionally, lightheartedly rooting for your assigned and/or adopted tribe(s) or lack thereof — or if the very wording of this parenthetical has begun to stress you out), all I can say is…seriously, take a chill pill.
Heck, Mattel is the real winner here, because I found myself wanting all of it.
Pink dream house? Sign me up.
Beach as a career? Hell yeah.
Every night is girls’ night? Damn right it is!
Mojo Dojo Casa House? Pretty sure that’s why I transitioned to male.
There’s probably a lot more to say, but the first step is not to take the boxes that Barbie rightfully encourages us to think outside of too seriously.
You can ‘deconstruct’ a box, or nitpick about how other people deconstruct it, or even build yourself a fortress, but in the end, it’s just a flimsy piece of cardboard. Give it to your cat and touch some grass.
