My computer won’t turn on. Now what?
Troubleshooting your dumb build, one step at a time.
I don’t game, so naturally I thought a second homebuild PC would be an excellent use of time and money between jobs last year. (In my defense, the first one happened during an actual World of Warcraft phase in my mid 20s. Destro lock for life!)
Anyhow, the problem with building a shamefully overpowered machine for your casual Reddit browsing, Google Drawing, and/or Medium writing needs is that, in the event you decide to move 1,968 miles away from where you built it, the computer has to come along somehow. And it ain’t fittin’ in a suitcase.
I wasn’t about to trust the $18 discus padlock on my PODS container with my precious second son (his name’s Raivo, by the way).
So with a bit of internet research, I settled on the UPS and a careful packaging regimen involving a little disassembly, my comforter, a specially-ordered $25 U-Haul exo-box, and a whole lot of neon pink, static-proof bubble wrap.
The good news is that my rig survived its journey unscathed, appearing right-side up on the porch barely a week after I did. The bad news is that, like every homebuild ever, the darn thing wasn’t about to POST without putting up a fight. Of course, the internet was and is teeming with relevant troubleshooting tips, at least 47.3 of which eventually got my BIOs back in business. So, why not compile it all for next time?
In some semblance of a particular order:
- Technically, this one only applies to the initial build, but: Have you verified that you’re not a complete and utter dolt whose CPU was literally the wrong size for the socket on the motherboard? (I will neither confirm nor deny that I tried to install it anyway)
- Did you plug the display cable into the graphics card (correct, usually!) rather than the motherboard itself? (wrong!)
- Have you tried putting the graphics card into a different (and/or actually compatible) PCI(e) slot? (provided that big boy actually fits anywhere else)
- Have you tried removing the graphics card entirely (so, uh…HDMI back to the motherboard, I guess) and booting it up from there?
- Have you tried taking out a RAM stick (or two, or three) and turning it on with just one (in the right slot, of course)?
- Have you tried it with just one RAM stick AND no graphics card?
- Is the graphics card all the way in its slot?
- Are the RAM stick(s) all the way in their slots? (this turned out to be my problem, but it wouldn’t have been any fun if I didn’t also end up trying the rest of this, now would it?)
- Is the graphics card actually plugged into the power supply?
- Is the motherboard itself actually plugged into the power supply? (just saying)
- Is your power supply just…bad?
- Once you’re done doodling around in there, did you actually plug the power supply back into the PC…and the wall? 🤪
- Have you considered resetting the CMOS with a screwdriver?
- Have you considered hitting yourself in the head with a screwdriver?
- Have you considered resetting the CMOS by popping out its little battery, because screw fingernails?!
- Have you considered wasting that last bit of precious thermal paste on a full CPU wipedown and re-seat, because why not?
- Did you also manage to bend a pin or two? (Sorry and Yikes…But possibly also don’t panic)
If you have tried at least ten sequential combinations of 2–3 of the above suggestions without success, it may help to invite another tech-savvy person into the room.
Using a firm, convinced voice loud enough for both the universe and the PC itself to hear, demonstrate in an obvious manner the second or third thing you tried (e.g., pushing on the RAM sticks a bit harder), and make sure a curated blend of despondence and obtuseness is clearly visible to the other person.
The computer should now turn on.
You may also wish to shame the machine, as one would a pet, for a few days or weeks thereafter.
