“Is it a good time to talk?”

“Is it a good time to talk?”

“I- I have some muffins in the oven, but I can turn it off when the time comes. It- it’s fine.”

“I’m the counselor who works with your provider.”

Oh.

There were kind and very easing-in sorts of words in a jumble before, “I noticed on your intake questionnaire that you said you might be better off dead several days in the past week.”

Oh. This is what happens when you’re honest on those things.

“I- It’s…it’s not active! Nothing active! I…uh, sorry… I just —

Um, when she told me my white count was still low, I… I secretly found myself craving for it to be really bad. Nothing active! I just thought…I would really love for it to be a reason to die.”

Something about plans.

“No no, no plans. Absolutely not. It’s passive; I’ve felt it before, back in college actually. I- I don’t have low self-esteem or that sort of thing; I’m just…I need a break, you know?”

Other words, then something about having something to look forward to.

“I… I, uh, honestly, I’m sort of taking it one day at a time right now. I don’t think the world is a very good place. I don’t have any goals.”

Something about how it can be more like running in a race next month, not a life goal.

“Oh, um...well, I read my book after work. I do set my boundaries, with the work…