Ah, perhaps I didn't word it the way I wanted to.

My initial desire to being testosterone was indeed from a desire for male sex-related physical traits, because those would align with the mental self-image that I have had since childhood (this explains it pretty well; apologies for the PDF link).

I didn't know that my mind would be affected in the way that it was, but the pleasant and lasting surprise has made me feel more strongly that, yes, my brain really is just architected somehow to function better while testosterone-dominated (maybe I was awash with androgens in-utero; who knows). At any rate, I believe that my lifelong, near-instinctual, and reflexive-feeling bodily sentiments (e.g., breasts feel wrong) also reflect this.

And with each progressive change I have made (a hysterectomy 4 years ago, hormones at the beginning of this year, presenting differently to others), I have become happier. I cannot speak for transgender people who do not seek medical change, but I imagine that the social aspect must be worth the price for some deep, internal reason if they are willing to go through with it (nobody wants to feel like an awkward burden, after all!)

I think we do see eye-to-eye on a lot here - maybe especially the idea that people should not take sex-related statistics personally(?).

But where we might diverge is that you may believe a person in my shoes could be happy as physically and chemically female(?), whereas I believe from my life experiences that this is psychologically impossible. My own coming out letter and culminating experience might explain it a little better if it's of interest.

On a final note, I would add that testosterone's antidepressant effects would be worthwhile to more people - even people who didn't want physical change - if they were as stark and near-miraculous as I have personally experienced. But I think the existence of trans women who prefer and thrive on the opposite hormones suggests otherwise.

Happy to learn and engage; thank you for responding!