A ranking of Bang Energy flavors by a real caffeine-dependent human
Disclaimer: I’m a sweets-lovin’ human with off-and-on disordered eating habits and a desk job. But here we go:
1. Birthday Cake Bash
As actual cake is my favorite food when my brain can handle it, this stand-in is liquid gold in that it actually tastes like a frosted, vanilla, ✨outrageous✨ liquid version of it.
Avoid (and go be sad somewhere else) if you’re ‘not a dessert person’. 10/10.
2. Key Lime Pie
I was thrilled to finally find this one in the wild, and it doesn’t disappoint. It doesn’t just taste like sweet lime — it tastes, in some inexplicable, ingenious way, like a hint of that graham cracker crust. 9/10.
3. Cotton Candy
What to grab when the store inevitably runs out of the cake one. 9/10.
4. Cherry Blade Lemonade
On the outrageously rare occasion that I need something more fruity than cake (or, more likely, they’re just out of stock), I’m a sucker for cherry in general.
Combining the cherry flavor with equally-righteous lemon is a lovely twist from the usual cherry+lime. 8.5/10
5. Power Punch
If you like red Gatorade but wish it had bubbles and made you go fast, this might be the bang for you. 7/10.
6. Lemon Drop
This ain’t lemonade. This really is lemon drop, as in the candy. Hard to explain, but it’s more sweet and rounded and maybe cloying, in a good way depending on your mood. 7/10.
7. Pina Colada
Does it taste like its namesake? Yes.
But does this particular flavor hide the weird chemical-ness as well as the previous ones do? Tragically, no. 6.5/10.
8. Delish Strawberry Kiss
Really just generic strawberry soda, if you’re into that. 5/10.
9. Star Blast
Here’s where things get problematic. In theory, I think it’s supposed to taste like Starburst candy. And Starburst candy is perfectly good.
However, non-sugar sweetness and the Starburst flavor(s?) do not mix (even the suspected, superior red and pink ones). It’s unsettling and somewhat cloying. 4/10.
10. Candy Apple Crisp
Someone else’s review ranked this one among the best. They would be wrong.
To be fair, I really wanted to like it, but IMO this is another flavor that’s more ineffective than usual at hiding chemicals. 3/10.
11. Rainbow Unicorn
I obviously want to like this due to the name.
However, it’s like Star Blast but worse. 2/10.
