6 things a trans person wants you to know

1. This isn’t a lifestyle choice.

I mean, there are so many better ones out there. Why — why on earth — would I wake up one day and say, “Hmm, let’s spice things up by making sure a lot of people really hate me!”

I could go on about how that would (and does) affect things like my safety, job prospects, financial stability, relationships, and entire sense of self-worth, but I think it’s a pretty easy thing for most people to grasp if they actually stop and think about it.

2. This isn’t an ideology, either.

It’s my lived reality. I’m not a villain or a hero — I just want to live a quiet, safe, mundane, and maybe even joyful life, just like you. Things only ever got dramatic when the world said “NO!” to this, and even then, I really, really hate the drama.

Please — let us access the healthcare and support we need, let us be ourselves, and just let us be.

3. This is about identity, not expression.

I mean, we would have solved item 1 if I could just fix myself somehow and be an unconventional, gender non-conforming woman. But I can’t.

I tried, for a really long time, and it didn’t work. She isn’t who I am.

4. Trans people can discover themselves at any age.

Growing up in the American South, I didn’t know there were words for my feelings of discomfort — let alone options to do anything about them.

Years of aimless complacency, dissociation, daydreaming, and, later, far less healthy coping mechanisms were thankfully untangled in my mid-twenties, when I met another trans person for the first time at my first tech job. It took a few more years after that to untangle my own denial and deeply-internalized feelings of shame, but when I did, the floodgates opened.

5. It’s just as awkward for me as it is for you.

Oh, man…coming out at work was a ride.

It was terrifying, electrifying, unbearably awkward, a gigantic relief, a weight finally lifted, occasionally humorous, usually petrifying, and…oh, did I mention awkward?

I would be lying if I said that…

‘Hi, I’m the very female looking (and sounding) creature you’ve worked with for almost a year, but I’m actually a he/him who dares call himself Norman now’

…didn’t make me want to crawl into a hole forever.

But I pushed through it. I’m still pushing through it. And everyone has been great. I appreciate that more than you know.

6. The little things mean a lot.

As much as I wish this just wasn’t a big deal (for transphobic people and well-meaning allies alike!), it’s hard. The occasional hug or happy text can mean the world to me — and make the world feel like a much more navigable place.